Guide to Dudehood

I love watching music channels, this Channel V and MTV. Among all the different rib tickling shows they do, there are some shows which really helps me feel proud and superior.

Like the one in MTV (Wassup), in which Bani J and Jose went about asking spelling of different words, capital of our country, the Indian Pledge and the national anthem to the Gen Next. The reply were predominantly smiles, er.. i.e. no answers. Those few who had the courage to answer, gave this — Bombay had become national capital, “sare jahan se accha” and “Loose Control” was the national anthem, “belief” was spelt as “bilif”, restaurant was spelt “rastrnt”. And there was a rapper styled response as well - “Dude, why'd we nid to know tis? Tis’ India, and I know that. What mo’ I nid to know?” I certainly didn’t understand why he uttered that.

Channel V had a show called as GK with Lola Kutty, in which Lola Kutty went about showing a photograph of a old lady and asking different dudes and dudettes, as to who she was. The answers ranged from Mother Teresa to Sonia Gandhi to Mamta to Mayawati to some TV Serial Actress to Principal of some big school to mother of some bollywood star. And funnily all of them were one hundred percent confident. “Pucca, Lock kiya jaye”. The person in the photo was Smt. Prathiba Patil, our President.

Indigestible, isn’t it.

No, I am not referring to the fact that she is our President. (Though, on a personal front I am trying mighty hard to forget that India is a Republic, and therefore there should be a President! She is a bad precedent!)

Welcome to India. Welcome to the Age of the Dudes

Who are these youth who exude such high levels of confidence in their demeanor and intelligence in their answers?

They are the dudes of the modern India, face of the future. Face that inspires many.

Who is a dude?

Dude is a man of dreams. Man for the dreams. Albeit, bad dreams. He is a super human. He is not a geek. He is a stud, not ordinary one at that. He is a super stud. He is not just cool. He is kewl. Dudes can either be ordinary and simple dudes, or super dudes.

Where do we find him?

You see dudes in the class, office, bus, train etc. More specifically, you see dudes in the malls and cinema halls. Their favourite hang outs are “Café Coffee Day”, Barista and at the Pizza Hut.

How do we identify him?

1. The regular dude always calls his friends “dude!”. Sometimes they become “buddy” or “pal”. Friends do not have a name for a dude. Everybody is a dude.
2. Other important identification marks are this –

• What is on the razor is on the neck – Dudes have razors as their pendants. Sometimes these are called Dog Tags, containing the Dude’s name, birth date, his sun sign.
  
• What is on the neck is on the wrist – Dude does not prefer a bracelet. Dude ties the regular locket chain in his right wrist.
  
• What is on the wrist is on the hip – Watches, God’s Tag are tied in the hip.
  
• What should be on the hip, is just about there – Trousers, predominantly Denims or Cargos or Carpenters. The hip barely holds the trousers.
  

I knew once of a super dude, who was my college junior. He will wear a denim, wear a t-shirt. He never tucks it in. He goes before the mirror, and raises his hand twice, like doing “balle, balle”. Then some adjustments to the trousers. “Balle, Balle”. Then utters “perfect”. I never understood what the fuss was all about.

Once, while on a trip to Coimbatore, wherein our room did not have mirror. He comes to me, and did this “balle, balle”, and asked me, “Sai, can you see the Jockey, when I raise my hands?”

3. Dudes sport a stud on their ears, eyelids, and where not?
4. Dudes have red coloured hairs, no blue colour, no white, no brown, now red . . . . , i.e. when they have some
5. Dudes don’t have time to shave, completely. But have the patience to do so. They have this goatee. Only goatee. They colour it as well.
6. Dudes wear T Shirts which contain a message to the society. Examples –

Why beer is better than a woman?
Nobody is perfect. I am nobody.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
One tequila two tequila three tequila floor.
A message which states that a certain of their body don’t have eyes. (Seen mostly on … , you guessed it right)
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
School prepares you for the real world which also sucks
Familiarity Breeds Children

7. Dude loves Pizzas, with or without coke / pepsi. They don’t buy them home. The make the huts their home.
8. Dude wears only branded denims (ordinary dudes), wears an adidas or nike or puma or reebok, and they sport rock star shades
9. They shake their heads, now left, now right, coz, Dudes are wired … to their ipod.
10. To the dude, father is always “Pa”, mother is always “ma”, he is also “ma”. I get confused.
11. Dude’s get stoned (super dudes only)
12. Dudes are night owls. They flirt a lot.
13. Dudes hang out a lot – at Malls, Coffee Pubs, Pubs, Discothèque
14. Dudes speak English “hwash, swash, kwash, swash, yeah …”,
15. Dudes shit a lot i.e. eh. i mean they use this word a lot. They also _ _ _ _ a lot. You got the message? I know you would.
16. Dudes are not hit or disappointed or frustrated. They are screwed.
17. They don't relax when they are tired or tensed. They chill out.

How many versions of this dude is roaming around in India?

This is this Dude, the ordinary one – The regular stuff, buys only denims, wears black / white shirts with designs, or T Shirts with message to humanity, learns Guitar, listens to Rock Music (Led Zepplin and Mik Jagger are his favourites), watches only English Movies, wear watches bigger than their faces.

There is this Super Dude, the extra ordinary one – Has long hair, wears rings in ears, smokes Bidi’s, cannabis, goes to Temples, is part of Spiritual Communities, God fearing. Listens to Soft Rock, wears kurtas, watches Hungarian, Bulgarian, Japanese, Iranian and other movies, reads Gita / Qoran / Bible / KS etc.

Then there is the Desi Dude, the Indianized one – eats masala pizza, watches Rajinikanth movies (FDFS – For Southerners), KJo’s movies

Any common traits in a dude?

They don’t know the President of India (correctly so) (I love them for that! Because, I don't want to know), They don’t know what to do. They do what their fellow dudes do, who also do not know what to do. They seek inspiration four thousand miles away in Europe or twenty thousand miles away in US. They love getting tattooed. They know all about sun signs. They are honest. They are naïve.

Dudes hang out a lot. They buy Large Pop Corns with Large Pepsi. They have girl friends with whom they discuss their “ex”. They have super fast fingers. Only thing it works in a mobile, not in a regular key pad.

Dudes do a lot of community service i.e. when they are in a Orkut. They Orkut a lot. They share hearty feelings and views with the unknown, and not with the known. Dudes have a pseudo (IAMSUPERMAN, 007, DUDEKING etc.).They will express their anger at the internet, with the Autowala, Pizza Hut delivery boy, they won't do that to others. They will show their love at the internet, but not to the others in person.

Dudes will scrap when they can email,; they will mail where they can talk over phone; they will message, when they can talk in person.

Are Dudes good at Dates?

Dudes are good and bad with dates. They will wish their mother on the Mother's day, but forget her birthday. They have and celebrate friends day, friendship day, pet's day, valentines day, fathers day, email day, messaging day, monday, tuesday, wednesday ..... i went with the flow. They celebrate "dudes day" every other day.

What? You asked about "DATE". They have a date every other day. Therefore, professionals at that.

Future of Dudes?

Theirs is the biggest and fastest growing community, who are rewriting all rules of English, Maths, Science and what not.

Posted by –

A Retired Dude