Today:
The security raised his hands to signal good evening, and Edward slowed down his bike and reciprocated. Parked his bike and noticed certain bunch of covers and envelopes in the mail box, picked them and climbed up the stairs without removing his helmet. Telephone bill, credit card statements, some investor magazines, couple of covers from watch shops and garment dealers, three wedding invitations.
He pressed the buzzer and his dad opened the door.
"How was the day?"
"Good, pa." He handed over the envelopes to his dad, ambled to his room. Helmet was placed on the cot, back pack thrown besides the computer table, shoes came sliding to the main door from his room, socks and shirts found their way to the washing machine. He wore a shorts and a tee and came out of the room, asking for dinner to his ma.
"Wash your face atleast." Mother pleaded from the kitchen. "Atleast wipe it clean of the sweat and dirt."
Edward went into the kitchen. Held his mother's pallu and wiped his face. "Now give me food."
"These covers are for you." His father handed out five six covers. "And whats this? Your credit card bill is Rs.18,000! All restaurants and gift shops and movies!"
'Uffff.....' Edward thought, came out and grabbed the covers and placed them on the computer table. Rants continued. He had his dinner. Another one hour of Television watched in silence. Mom was asking something. He was nodding mostly and answering in ever so little words in between. He rose at the end of the news. "I am sleepy ma, good night. Goodnight dad. Will reduce credit card usage next time." Another promise meant to be broken.
Edward ambled towards his room. Switched on the light to check if the bed was in proper condition. It was. His father had cleared up the mess. As he switched of, he noticed the envelopes. Grabbed them and went to his bed and switched on the bed side light.
'Credit Card Statement from HDFC. Should opt for only e-statement next month onwards to stay safe from father.' Looking at the statement he noticed an entry for Rs.7,454. 'Thats the airfare for dad's visit to New Delhi last month.' He smiled. Armed with a weapon to counterattack his dad tomorrow morning.
'Buy Two, Take Home Three. From the Latest Spring Summer Collection.' Ufff... Another promotional offer from Pantaloons. 'These guys are aggressive. But the collections seems good. Should make a visit this week. Unknown to father, of course'.
'Cherian Heart Foundation' It was a certificate cum thanks message from them for the blood donation he had done couple of weeks back.
Next was the wedding invitation. The cover read 'Venkat weds Nithya'. His heart stopped. His eyes flooded. He crushed the invitation.
Nine Years Back:
“Are you in love with me?”
Bubble was taken aback. He forcefully applied the brakes on his cycle and stopped. She stopped a split second later, a few feet away. ‘How did she know? Is she just teasing me? Should I say No or should I say yes? If I say yes, would she say ‘how dare you?’ Is she also in love with me? Will it work? What if she says no to my yes? Will she say no and spread to everybody that I love her? Will it be embarrassing and painful? Will I bear the rejection? What should I say now?’ A thousand thoughts.
He walked towards her pushing his cycle. “What? No. Nitthu, you are my friend. Best friend.”
“Oh…” She shrinked her eyes looking deep into him. His eyes.
“Why suddenly?”
“Chumma. I felt like asking that question and see your reaction.” Nitya turned her face towards her left, away from him. Both of them walking slowly, with the clank of the cycle pedal keeping them company. A few minutes of silence followed. Nitya looking to her left, pushing her cycle holding its handle bar. Bubbles following her looking down now, her hands and heads now, holding the cycle along the cross bar. 'Did I answer properly? Was it a prank? It should have been.'
“Hey! Why walk? We have assignments to do. Lets pedal home.” Bubble suggested, and Nitya obliged. Rest of their cycling home from school was, again spent in silence.
As they parted at Nitya’s house, Bubble mumbled, “Bye… don’t forget to bring your history project tomorrow. You have already delayed. Vrinda pidari will can you alive.” Nitya’s face changed ever so lightly, along her lips. ‘Was that a smile? Or was it disappointment? Or is wicked smile? Is she frustrated? Was that tears in her eyes? I have known her for seven years now, but still am not able to understand her, my love …………’
Today
"Ennada, you are not sleepy?" Mom peeped in and asked.
"I am." Edward said, his voice trembling. Switched off the light and turned to his right, folding his legs, with his hands between his knees. In his hands lay, the crumpled invite.
His eyes releasing the unending reservoir of tears. His jaws shaking. His mind restless.
'I should have said yes. I missed her. I missed the opportunity. I was a jerk to have played decent. Will any idiot like me get a chance like that? My spinelessness, numbness didn't probably deserve her. How many girls come out and tell that openly.'
The words were still ringing in his ears. The cycle clank that followed as well. Those words "Are you in love with me?"
'Yes. Yes.'
"YES!" Edward screamed, mutedly. 'It has always been muted. My Yes.'
Seven Years Back:
The bell had just rung. The Biology teacher had just left Class XI-B. The students were dumping their notebooks into the bag and urgently grabbing their lunch boxes, and were signaling their friends.
As Biology teacher was leaving, Jiten had signaled to Arvind, Peter, Raghu, Nitya, Bubbles, Pauline and Vinod to his right. Everybody nodded in understanding. Lunch would be under the tree to the right of Hockey Ground, behind the Goal Post.
Jiten, Bubbles and Vinod rushed out to book the spot with their lunch boxes, as others ambled there. Bubbles was looking at the group of five coming towards them. He was looking at Nitya in particular. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He suddenly felt a lump in his throat and his stomach full. 'This is love. Damn! Do I love yes? Yes, of course.'
He slowly opened the box, and was digging his fingers into the box, as the entire group settled down.
“Dei Bubble, what have you brought?” Jiten was grabbing Bubble's box. “Woww!! Is this Fried Rice? Smells yumm, man! Tastes yumm too! Why are you staring at me that way?”
“Chumma….”, turning to his left, “Nitthu, what have you brought for lunch today?” Bubbles reached out to Nitya’s lunch box.
“Bubbles, tell me, na? Atleast now. Honestly. Are you in love with me?”
'Yes'. Bubbles didn’t raise his head. 'Why can't I bring myself to say yes?' He was still holding her lunch box and pulling it towards him, as if he hadn’t heard it.
“Nithu!!!” The reaction was Raghu’s. Everybody else was stunned. Peter managed a smile. Vinod and Pauline signaled each other with their eyes. Raghu turned to Bubbles, “Dei, Bubbles, whats all this man?”
“What?”
“Nothing!!” Nitya answered tersely.
"Oh? Really?"
"Yes...." It was Pauline. "I asked her some time back the same question. She was shocked. May be she thought I had turned lesbo. She wanted to try it on somebody. She asked Bubbles, as he looked serious all through the class. It was just a prank."
"Whatever..... Dei Bubbles, tell your mom to add a few more onions and capsicum, da. And don't pour the sauce all over. Bring it separately. It tastes yumm"
"Like the Physics madame?!" Quipped Raghu.
Rest of the lunch was spent discussing how hot the Physics teacher is, and creating newer stories connecting the Maths Sir and the administrative staff lady, who was still unmarried at 30.
All through the lunch, Nitya and Bubbles dug their lunch boxes, each eating barely half of their food. Bubbles had butterflies for lunch. 'It was a prank after all.' He looked at Nitya, who was looking at him directly. At his eyes. Deep into his mind. Non stop. A few seconds on, he bowed his head towards his lunch box, thinking, 'Was it just a prank?'
Today:
Edward was still in sobs. He looked at the paper ball in his hand. He couldn't control his emotions. He cried aloud. Tears flooded, and then dried off. He couldn't sleep. He went to the balcony. He looked at the neighbouring buildings. All apartment complexes.
He saw the entrance to his complex through the vista between two other complexes. The securities were lying along the entrance gate and puffing. 'Aren't they supposed to sit straight like a normal security? They seem to be getting ready to sleep?' He then remembered the security at his earlier residence. The security who was sacked once a theft had taken place. He had slept through the night. Why? He had to work during day time also at some cargo station, owned by one of the flat owners.
'Tonight I am awake.' He went out of his room. The drawing room was still occupied. The television was flashing lights. His mother was chopping vegetables and watching some soap. 'She is also awake.'
He walked in and opened the main door. His mother looked up and asked him, "Where to at this time?"
"Just walking."
"Are you alright?". 'Did she notice the shakiness in my voice'. "Any stomach problem?"
"No ma. Just not feeling good. Want to walk."
"Oh.... Go ahead. I'll be awake for another thirty odd minutes. This week "Marumanam" is getting over." Edward was looking at the vegetables. "Eddie, are you upset with Appa asking you about your credit card bills? He is old fashioned. He wants you to save. Thats it. What is the point in saving for tomorrow's contingency if you cannot spend for your happiness today? Don't worry about all these things."
"Mmmm..."
"Or something else is bugging you?" She asked, stopping the vegetable peeling and cutting, and looking at him intensely. "Any problem?"
"I just want to walk."
She understood. "Just don't scare me the way you scared little Fatima last month? Am too old for pranks." Edward managed to smile. Little Fatima was twenty years old standing 4 and a half feet tall. His relative. She had wet her pants over his prank. While looking through doorhole, he stood. As she opened the door, he made his friend stand in front of the door upon returning from a night show. His friend was 6'7"" and looks as wide as a tanker truck. He smiled again. "You go ahead son. I won't disturb you." She said smilingly. She had seen a trace of smile on her son's face.
He turned away, with his eyes wet again. 'It wasn't a prank. I should have known it then.'
6 Years Back
"Have you atlast decided? Or still undecided"
"What?"
"Whats your decision?"
"Decision?" Few moments of hesitation. 'Is she still asking about the love question? Or is she asking me about the course I am about to opt? How do I know? Should I ask her specifically? I should.' "Decision about what? Every day we take hundreds of decisions. Which one are you asking about?"
"Oh.... Okay. Whatever you have decided on all things that are important."
'Locked! Is there a way out? Whats happening in my stomach? I feel my lips stretched? This is love!'. He looked at her. 'Is that love? Gosh... This is painful. Is that love?'
"Hello?"
"Yupps. Decided. To opt for Electronics and Instrumentation. Would then do MS abroad. Would try to enrol at MIT. Then find work with some bio medical equipment manufacturing company. Siemens is my target."
"Oh... And where would you do your E&I?"
"Whichever good college I can get admitted to. One more month to go to decide."
"So you have not decided?"
"Huhh...."
"Right. Next?"
"What next?"
"Other important areas of decision making."
"Thats the only important decision making. What about you?"
"Me? My target decides for me."
"Really?"
"And who decides for your target?"
"I leave it to fate."
Today:
"Whatever God has decided for us.... " The security Buvan, the security, was telling Edwad. Both of them were wandering around the apartment complex for the routine security rounds. "Honestly, I don't have an answer to your question. Its been seven or eight years since I went to my village. Have even forgotten my mother's face. Next time? Not possible this year saab. Hamari kismat kuch alag hai, saab..."
'Is fate really the culprit for his condition? Was it for me?'
Edward didn't bother to listen to his inner voice. He knew the answer. He had taken Nitya's talk on "decisions" to be too complex and philosophical. She was being blunt. She wanted to extract the answer from him. She made one final attempt. Was it?
3 Years Back:
"One more year, and you'll be a graduate."
"Yeah... You are already one! You beat me on this."
"You thought of some instrumentation and MS abroad, and now communication technology with a software company as ambition?"
"Yeah. MS doesn't look good." Bubbles said. Nitya's brother's education abroad had been very expensive. "Hmm... I am still at a loss as to how or why you ended up choosing Physics for your graduation instead of Engineering?"
"Why shouldn't I Bubbles?" That was the first time in over four years, she had called him by that name. They had met only five six times during that period.
"Can't answer that Nitthu... I believe you will make a good Engineer. You could do much better in this field. Software Engineering could have been your choice. You are damn good in logically drawing conclusions and building action plan for that in almost everything you do. You should have opted for Computer Science Engineering."
"Everything? My action plan hasn't always worked. Huh..." She laughed at herself. "Not really. May be... And I love physics. Have to." Edward remembered. Her brother's misadventures in opting for MS in US. The resultant Eighteen Lakh Rupee debt. The resultant sale of their house and getting into their old suburban house.
"What next?" Jiten was asking. "Definitely not marriage right?"
"Don't know. Lets see. May be not." It was butterflies and uneasiness for Bubbles once again as she left and boarded the suburban bus and waving bye to Jiten, Bubbles and Pauline.
Two Years Back:
"Hello? Anybody there? Hello?" Bubbles was shouting at the phone. Seventeen missed calls from a mobile number. Every call cut after one ring or two. He had to call back. Call was attended. Response at the other end was silence.
He slowed down and "Hellowww..... This is Edward Sahayaraj. I got a call from your number. May I know who is at the other end?". Bubbles was practicing all courtesy and cordiality that can be expected from a new mobile user, bought out of his first month's earning. He wanted to talk to somebody using the phone. "Hello?"
Silence. Then it was disconnected. 'Could it be Nitya?'. He noted down the phone number promising to call her later. The first time job and the resultant excitement had pushed Nitya to backest end of his mind.
Today:
"How do you feel now?" Mother was waiting at the doorstep as Edward entered the house.
"Fine."
"Good. You want to talk?"
"No." 'Yes. Wanted to. Should have talked. The number was Nitya's. Pauline had confirmed later.'
"Why did you do this?", extending her arm with a crumpled paper in her hand. The wedding invite.
He grabbed it and went into his room and shut the door. 'Could she have known the reason? Did she read the name on the invite? Was she expecting me to tell her my love for Nitya? Has she guessed? Did my exit without offering answer confirm her suspicion? Nitya... Nitya... I should have called you. Should have tried. Didn't even try to confirm if it was you the other day. Didn't even try to call you. Didn't even try to get in touch with you. Its late now. Too late.'
He couldn't shed any further tears. He was tired. With Nitya on his mind, he never knew when he slept.
Next Day:
The phone was ringing non-stop. Edward opened his eyes, grabbed the phone. It was some unknown number. Hyderabad std code. He let the mobile buzz in silence, and looked at the time. 10 am. He should be at office by 11. His mind was in no proper condition to go to office. He lay on his bed. And near his feet on the bed lay the green paper ball. The crushed invite. His heart still felt very heavy. He looked up and kept staring at the ceiling.
His mother came in first. She asked something. He said something. She left carrying the cup she had brought in stating she has already heated it twice. His father came next asking if he wasn't feeling well. "Headache", he replied. "Just want to sleep. Am not going to office today." His father had left.
The phone rang once again. The same Hyderabad number. He let it ring.
He stared at the ceiling. Wondering how different it would be had he said yes to Nitya long time back. 'These pain wouldn't have been experienced. She was in love with me.' He was sure. 'I had caused her a lot of pain. She tried not once but many times. She wanted me to propose her. I never did. Why? Was it because she initiated the talk instead of me? A girl doing it instead of a boy? So what? Atleast I should have said yes.' He was visualizing what would have happened now. The words rumbled loudly within. The silence around him increasing the loudness.
Time was 12.45 pm.
The phone rang once again. It was a known number. The mobile flashed "Veekay @ Venky". It was Venkata Krishnan, his colleague, college senior and a very close friend from college. He picked up.
"Dei bugger! You still at home? Sleeping? Have been trying to reach you for the past two days."
"Am sorry. Was in a con-call yesterday with my TL. Couldn't pick up. Wanted to call you in the evening. Forgot to call you back." He remembered Veekay was at their Hyderabad Office. He had been shifted to a new programme four months back. "How is Hyderabad? You are getting used to the place?"
"Yeah. Kind of. And did you get it?"
"Get what?"
"My wedding invite."
"Yours?" Edward remembered Veekay's impending wedding sometime next month.
"Yeah. Sent it three days back."
"Oh... Haven't received it yet. Doesn't matter. When is the wedding?" The discussion went around the wedding preparations, and ten minutes later Edward was brushing his teeth. Trying to forget Nitya and the missed chances. He washed his face looking into the mirror. Into his eyes. Wondering what Nitya would have seen in those eyes whenever he remained mum. He came out of the bathroom droplets of water on his face wiping it with the towel. He threw the towel on the bed. Near the towel was the crumpled invite.
He stared at the wedding invite. He cursed himself. He opened the cover. Took out the invitation sheet. "R Venkata Krishnan @ Venkat (S/o V Raghunathan) Weds Nithya Mahalaxmi d/o VK Narasimman, DGM - BSNL, Bangalore ...... "
He crushed and threw up the invite and caught it. He kissed it. Again. He was crying. He was smiling. He was laughing. He was excited. And he was very clear in his thoughts. For the first time.
He knew what to do. What to speak. He didn't worry about being rejected. He knew he wouldn't be.
He thanked himself for the first time, for not clearing or cleaning his bag for the past two years. He grabbed his bag. He pulled out old papers. He found the one he wanted. Those ten digits.
'Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.' No more cacophony. It was time for music.
He dialled the number.
[The title is a shamless copy of an article heading I had read sometime back. Loosely based on and inspired from events surrounding a real life Edward]
Comments
For my part i v decided not to love anyone or thing for that matter in particular cause one thing i v realised is that - at the end of love there is so much hate. Love causes expectations (invaraibly in all cases), unfulfilled expectations lead to hate. And there is enough hate in this world already.
So no love for me for the time being.
And based on the post script i d like to ask a question - "Was it your alter ego writing this post?", the answer to this question is optional, (atleast here).
One more thing sir, why the hesitancy to publish this one, i see no major difference between this and the one published a couple of days back.
P.S. As usual i find happiness when i visit your space.
Till twelfth class, I'd been confident that if I tell any girl about my feeling for her, I'd be greeted with (at least) a slap.
But after this kind of shyness I really regretted in twelfth class, & entering graduation, where I interacted more with girls & understood them better, I made it a point to let know any & every girl I had a crush on - online, & 4 offline. And hence, having been on both sides of trepidation, I know how it all feels. Apparently, the story you've written's not about you, so I'm impressed with your ability to imagine & empathize. Somehow, I feel regretting past is not right, because regret is based on the premise that what didn't happen would've been better than the present. But how do we know!
Well written! You should try writing an out & out fiction - in the sense, with a plot developed by you. :)
I wish Saimukundhan had told us how Nithya responded to Edward's call (after two years?). It is possible that she moved on in life. And let's face it - how many of us fall in "love" when we are kids? What we experience is physical attraction for the opposite sex which wears off on seeing another handsome guy or pretty girl (it is another matter if we are not lucky enough). Some associations do mature into love. But I can tell from my experience that girls and boys change when they leave the country; when they are separated for years (even married couples find it difficult to relate to each other when they are separated for unduly long periods); and when they are exposed to different environs. There's therefore no guarantee that Edward and Nithya would feel the same way about each other after such a long gap. Jo gaya so gaya, move on Edward bhai.
Don't stop loving. But stop expecting. May be our expectations are often misplaced, whereas the other person is just the same all through. That would ensure that there isn't much hate. Just a thought.
Don't know if it is my alter ego. Have been trying to improve my writing / narrative skills and wanted to try something different. Hence this post. And there wasn't any hesitancy, but instead of saving it as a draft, I published it. The draft version contained the real name of the lead character, which I wanted to remove before final post.
Am mighty glad if you find happiness on visiting this space.
Cheers
Absolutely true. Regretting past is not the right thing to do. But often it is the most naturally happening thing. Over which we mostly don't have any control, unless there some other pressing activity.
The idea of writing a fiction does seem good. Challenge is four fold - Finding a plot (have four more presently), Writing the script (ideas to take forward the plot), Writing Skills (I am seriously at a loss to capture in words many of the emotions which I visualize on my characters) and finally sustaining interest.
You have had an "history of crushes"? Narrate it sometime, when time permits.
Cheers
I cannot deny the fact that most, not just many, fail to carry on in their relationships when they meet after a long time. But this is about an "Ordinary Love Story in an Extra-Ordinary Jodi" (I can hear Adi Chopra screaming "Copyright Violation"). I have personally seen, in my set of friends, people of who have been in very serious relationships with different persons every two years. That too when they are in their mid to late twenties! I have also seen our typical village lad type of romance as well who nurture their for their gal over longer periods to time.
Though this is a love story (thats what I intended it to be), I primarily wanted to try something different. As I had answered MSP above. Admittedly there are some exaggerations in the story. Most notably the lunch time discussion, which I wanted to delete as it seems obviously unrealistic. But I held it in the scheme of things simply because "it happened". Just like that, in the open, in front of around eight nine people. I remember the real life Edward making some excuses "Illa paa... Don't tease me" kind of stuff.
As to the second question about Nitya's reaction, I leave it to the reader.
I tried exploring or explaining two other stuff also using this plot.
(a) Tried giving a clue that what can our perception / notion do. (nitHya vs nitya). Kind of a game that I played.
(b) Don't delay things. Opportunity rarely knocks twice. When you get a chance, express. Results are immaterial. (The final segment, where Edward finally decides to speak, irrespective of the result.) This will ensure that all "What if?" questions are cleared.
And the real world Edward had moved on. Thrice. At last count. And that was three years back.
Thanks for your comments.
Cheers
I am glad Edward has moved on - three times over. I am not a blogger myslef but I respond to some posts randomly.
Edward's story (!!)brought back memories of a similar experience I had as a youngster. My senior in college expressed his love for me on more than one occasion, first, indirectly and, then, directly. I don't know how I felt about him but I did not feel I was ready to reciprocate. Of course, years rolled by, I got married and he too moved on in life.
About 23 years later, I heard from a common friend that he died under tragic circumstances. I was shattered. I kept asking myself "Should I have said yes?" Did I love him too? Did I miss the bus? A week later, I went back to living my life.
When we know that something has been "lost forever" (in Edward's case, it was the wedding invitation that triggered the thought), we are overcome by a range of emotions. Our ego is pampered when we know someone is interested in us. It is all the more so when that someone continues to evince interest in us even after we rebuff or cold shoulder him or her. And when we learn that he or she is no longer around, we at once feel disappointed, guilty (for not having 'obliged' by reciprocating) and helpless. We know that the chapter has been closed once and for all and we will never know how the other person felt about us for the rest of his or her life.
I even wondered whether my senior would have thought of me when he lay in his deathbed - while it may appear that I have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, it is nothing but a reflection of human ego. My mind assures me he would have forgotten me the moment we left college but my heart hopes otherwise.
All said, I still believe Edward could not have loved Nithya or me my senior because if we did, we would have expressed it somehow - if not in words, in some other way. Love and measles cannot be hidden for long. The fact that we didn't, we hesitated or had doubts/reservations proves that they were not the right persons for us. Love is spontaneous and nothing can stop two persons who love each other from expressing it. If it was otherwise, wars would not have been fought for love and kingdoms lost.
Cheers
Had a feel of watching a "Saroja like movie"... 16.05.2007 5 PM and then suddenly you take the scene to Today 25.05.2010 3pm..?
Just like VTV, amend the climax and release a Version 2 of it. (here is my twist to it)
"Mr.Edward while going for walking found his old tuition friend (12th Maths tuition) Ms Shilpa.
Edward wanted to have ice cream,shilpa also accompany him . at that time she tells edward the truth about Nithya - who had crush on Edward.
Edward didn't complete the ice cream even - started half way.
reached his home-- running. Opened the door....bang. Walking towards his bag....threw away all papers out....out and out..
He got his 10 digit. Quickly dialed and said "Hello! Nithya..." Edward here ....
then what..."Anda nila va dhan na kaila pudichaen...enda rosavukaga".....
SUMMARY: Sir, just kiddingly posted the trimmer climax..
Original reading of post..just superb. Good flow of events. And also a inherent STRONG Message.
Honestly I don't know if they loved each other. I just wanted to explore something new, i.e. for me, in my post. Often I find the "idea" called love to be bit superficial even among the ones that is exchanged, wondering how on earth these guys said "Yes, I do" to each other. Anyways, this post is just an experiment. A story weaved around an event. Nothing more.
And I "loved" the "love and measles" part.
@ Shravan
Nice to note that you find this entertaining. I thought it was all gloomy, and reflects my preference for some dull or dark drama.
@ MSP
Let there be no confusions! Its prabHu only. When two prabHu's start addressing one another with the same name (prabHu), won't we forget whether we are supposed comment or to respond? I surely would. bHuss!
@ Sundar
Idhukkum "Saroja"kkum enna sambandham? And if there is any "strong" message, and somebody (U?) acts on that, I am not responsible for it or the consequences. (Seriously!!!) What's so special about 16.05.2007?
Cheers