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GSMs Theory on Escaping Mosquitoe Bites

For the size that I am, my year old son's relatively lean appearance was causing quite some trouble for me. It made some people wonder if I really spared any food for him. And I promised that if he really gets a bit plump, I would believe God exists. And voila, within a month he had put on some flab all around his body and most notably on his face.

I had almost become a believer. I was gently reminded that those red things on his face is not a sign of any "glow", but mild rashes and swelling. Only then did I realize that my son has been the target of innumerable mosquitoes. And the god lost one more opportunity to make me a theist, and I got one more opportunity to remember I shouldn't trust my eyes without my specks.

So there goes my wife to a baby shop to buy a gorgeous looking white mosquitoe net which can be hung on a small lever and its ends would be put around my son's tiny little cot, so it defines his world and sleeping space. She was extremely proud of the net and pointing at the mosquitoes outside the net trying hard to taste my son's blood. The next morning there were very little of the rashes or swelling on my son's face. So the mosquitoe net did its job to perfection. That of keeping my son's smiling face in tact.

But then I realized that my son was sleeping between me and my wife. Wasn't he supposed to be in his little cot? How did he come to sleep wherever he was sleeping now? Simple. At some point of time, he had escaped the net around him, to sleep where he found some comfort. The next night I was awake enough to realize that he does that within a very short span of time after he is put to sleep in his cot.

And I started wondering, if he came out of the net, how did he escape the mosquitoe bite? Thats when this fantastic theory about escaping mosquitoe bites dawned on me.

Simple. Mosquito searches for where you slept when the lights were on. Their built in GPS devices identifies the co-ordinates of its target based on where the target was when they were visible. It tries to attack its target based on the predefined co-ordinates, which could have changed in the darkness, unseen by those mosquitoes. Why so? With mosquito's tiny eyes, they can't really see as much as we  the normal humans do in the night. [Now don't go about asking me if I can see things in dark without my specs. We are part of the "Pagal'lla Pasu Maadu Group".] Their tiny little legs can't feel much of the surface to move around, and therefore, they still can't find their targets using their ability to "sense" or "feel" anything.

So whats the conclusion to escape all the mosquitoe bites, especially with the rainy season around in Chennai? Simple. Pretend as if you are sleeping in a particular place with the lights on. That will fool the mosquitoes to believe they have the co-ordinates of their target. Their tracking faculties are relatively poor, and cannot sense movements in dark. And switch off the light and just move around to a different place to have a peaceful sleep. And the stupid mosquitoes can't find you out even to save their life.

That's an effective solution that easily beats all the Good Knights and All Outs of the world. For those who think that the simpler solution would be cover yourself head to toe with a blanker, remember, you will die of suffocation within few hours sleeping that way. More so since most people washed their blanker when India won the T20 worldcup. And statistics from an empirical study done all across world tells that 99% of the people who cover themselves that way, still suffer countless mosquito bites. (Okay...  I made this up.)

For this readers of this blog, who seek nothing but knowledge, truth and wisdom and gain precisely that from this post, I seek only one thing. How am I supposed to patent my findings before somebody copies it? And before you think of breaking your computer or throwing away your mobile in the enlightenment of the above knowledge, and my fear about somebody copying this, remember, Apple had patented someting far less profound than the above. Rectangle with rounded corners.


Krishna said…
This is the only theory i didnt try in my 23.75 year history with mosquitoes! I also observed whichever room i go, there is a patrol of ranguskis combing the place for any trace of humans and alerts the gang of my presence. (also with regard to the blanket theory, once u allow a mosquito into the blanket inadvertently, u r bound to have a puffed up look next day and the mosquito is sure to die of excessive indulgence in their 'drinks')
G Saimukundhan said…
Mmm... The other room also being flooded by mosquitos I didn't think of. May be we should create some honeytrap and lure them all into a single room, and escape in darkness. How about a bowl of foul smelling food with some dirty water? Mosquitos will definitely fall for them right?


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